a memoir

BREAKING NEWS! UPDATE SOON TO COME!

i'm thinking about updating. just thinking.

D.H. Lawrence
Piano


Softly, in the dusk a woman is singing to me;
Taking me back down the vista of years, till I see
A child sitting under the piano, in the boom of the tingling strings
And pressing the small, poised feet of a mother who smiles as she sings.


In spite of myself, the insidious mastery of song
Betrays me back, till the heart of me weeps to belong
To the old Sunday evening at home, with the winter outside
And hymns in the cozy parlor, the tinkling of the piano our guide.


So now it is vain for the singer to burst into clamor
With the great black piano appassionato. The glamor
Of childish days is upon me, my manhood is cast
Down in the flood of remembrance, I weep like a child for the past.

To the island-valley of Avilion;
Where falls not hail, or rain, or any snow,
Nor ever wind blows loudly; but it lies
Deep-meadowed, happy, fair with orchard-lawns
And bowery hollows crowned with summer sea,
Where I will heal me of my grievous wound.

LORD TENNYSON

art, christians (christianity?), the nude body. such complications. if anyone has any great insight to the use of the nude in my art - please share with me. keep this in mind: do the principles change if it is my own body instead of someone else? is this taking from my future (if any) spouse? is it always shocking to see the naked body or is there a familiarity there? we are all the same beneath our clothes? is displaying my own body as art not art? is it unexplainable in terms of witness and acountability? does it make things less sacred? if there is no nudity can the same message be communicated (in any instance)? why is nudity used or sometimes neccesary in art? questions? answers?

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(2x)

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(2x)

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(2x)

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.(X2

why is it still so bloody hot!

i never knew that pumpkin, spice, and...coffee? could be blended so beautifully. as much of an enthusiast i am for pure espresso - i must say i enjoy diedrich's new creation, very seasonal. in other news...??? junior show is freaking me out, i know it'll will come to me, but i just don't know what to do yet. i think too much. or maybe not enough? here it is: hitch "basic principles...there are none." that's about it right now.

oh, by the way i saw "the afters" last night. great band. you should all check them out, lots of energy, great message, good music. also bethany dilion opened - beautiful female voice and guitar. tonight i'm going to see the 88 and red west - but really i'm there for my boys the parachutes! grant mostly, haven't seen him live yet. anyway check it out at www.myspace.com/theparachutes.

i'm dry right now - i'll post again when i have something better to say. besides, i'm becoming more and more guarded with what i write on here...

who just aced the interview for ocpac!? me? i'm going to be boastful and proud and gosh darn arrogant about this just for a sec, just a second...for those of you (like me) that this kind of crap makes you sick - skip it.

i have worked gosh darn hard my entire life - academically, professionally - basically in everything i do. and even though this opportunity was allowed because of who i know, i still did the networking! i thank God for all of the gifts He has given me and to His glory be all of my successes. that given, it's not like it was easy for me, and today, finally just a little bit of recognition from someone that i have never met before - ever! "hey you're pretty amazing" "he is the best we've had yet" "you will go far" all within a half hour. i got the job and it feels good. ok. i'm done now. that is all. i needed that today. life has been hard lately.

i need a vacation from myself.